The Home Birth of Kai Bleu

It may sound too hippy dippy for some, but being the highly sensitive woman that i am, i knew when Kai joined our family, and it wasn't July 4, 2019. 

I had gone on holiday to Cortez, of all places, with a friend to hike around Mesa Verde and explore the area. We were high atop the northern most platte of Mesa Verde when i felt Kai's presence. He stayed with me and his presence intensified as we spent the afternoon cruising museums and shopping for beads and jewelry. 

The next time I saw Quentin, it honestly may have been a while and i don't remember the timing because we had were in the midst of our move from Placitas to Texas, i explained that it was time to conceive a child. It was a deep inner knowing that followed me home. He was against it, as we had planned to never have children but i knew that i was going to be bringing this soul in to the world regardless and explained as much. Kai was consciously conceived over my next ovulation and, never taking a pregnancy test, i knew Kai was physically taking form. 

I say that Kai came to me right before he was conceived but i think that may not be exactly right, i think that was when he consciously showed himself to tell me that it was time, looking back he had been with me for years, guiding me to create the birth and life that he wanted to experience. 

During university, i was so in the box that i couldn't imagine someone having a homebirth and thought anyone attempting one must be crazy because of how dangerous it was. Years later, with a much better comprehension of our culture and programming, i was shopping a used book sale and i stumbled upon a whole pile of natural childbirth books which i felt compelled to purchase even though we weren't going to have kids (i am fully convinced Kai created the pile and guided me to them)They made perfect sense and i found an amazing podcast shortly after (Indie Birth) that filled in all of the details from a midwifes perspective. 

Having been on a spiritual path for a few years already, i was primed to reject standard medical care while pregnant and my research further confirmed that i could safely birth at home. Growing up with animals and comprehending the natural birthing process gave me the lived experience on which to build confidence as well. 

As i began to explore my home birthing options, i knew that Kai would be coming very late (intuition), and that if i hired a licensed midwife, she would be forced by her contract with the state to turn my care over to an OB who would likely push me to have an induction. Call it Kai, call it my higher self, whatever it was told me that under no circumstances would i be subjecting this child to such trauma. I actually found a birth keeper (unlicensed midwife who is not allowed to use the term midwife because that specific verbiage is regulated by the state) in Amarillo (two hours away) and met with her. She was great and completely aligned with my vision for pregnancy and birth but i couldn't commit to the travel time and it just didn't feel necessary so we kept in contact over the phone on a casual basis with me texting questions as they arose. 

So, the months went by and i managed my pregnancy with diet, exercise, fresh air and sunshine. I bought a fetoscope and could hear a strong and beautiful heart beat. I checked my blood pressure regularly. I avoided as much stress as humanly possible which included not telling anyone (very limited few) that i was even pregnant (I will probably do a future article on the only stressful thing i engaged with) and grew and grew and grew. 

As no 'due date' can ever be accurately declared, our guess date was sometime in June. A normal pregnancy term can be anywhere from 37 to 44 weeks depending on the woman's moon cycle, so that's actually even longer than a month. Since i knew he would be late, i just waited even though toward the end it did feel like forever. Never did i question his timing. 

I was able to tell his position throughout the pregnancy and about a week out (though not knowing it was a week out, it having already been 42 weeks) i felt him flip breech which was a bit startling, being programmed as we are by this culture to fear such things, but i talked to him and did a 'fire walk' ceremony (on dried and pokey weeds) to regulate the emotions that came up and then took a nap and he was head down by the time i woke up! I digress. 

Quentin had started building welding beds for compensation a few months after conception so that he would be home and we could be a full family unit with him working in his shop in the early mornings. He had a client coming on July 5th from six hours away to pick up his bed. Upon waking on July 4th, i knew it was the day. Quentin still had work to do on the bed. I told him i'd be fine until i wasn't and to keep working. Around noon i decided he needed to stay in the house but in the other room (we were still amidst a remodel at this point so it was close quarters). He brought me my preprepared electrolyte drink and snacks (though i don't recall eating) and comforted me as best he could. 

In preparing him for birth, aside from him reading books, i explained that transition was the crucial point and that i would likely lose my mind and want to go to the hospital and that he was under no circumstances to take me. I hit transition and started yelling to go to the hospital to have them cut the baby out. He calmly suggested more positions. I told him to have my mom come from five hours away so she could be with me at the hospital the next day while he was taking care of his client. He told her to come even though he knew we would be at home. I paced and paced and then had Q check my cervix dilation, which can be done without any of the invasive bacteria introducing procedures that western medicine uses, and my cervix was open which comforted me. Soon i could feel the membrane bag bulging out. I knelt on the side of the tub (which was not full) and did lamaze breaths and informed Quentin he would need to catch him soon as the powerful contractions were starting. Usually it takes two but i guess since Kai was so long it took 3, first his head, then his shoulders and then his hips. With Quentin supporting him out he came in to my arms with a little cry and nursed immediately as i held him to my breast. It was well past 9pm by now and as i didn't want to startle Kai, i had been laboring in the dark so we hadn't even seen him. Quentin took a few pictures so he experienced a couple flashes. We sat in the dark bathroom in awe and wonder of what had just occurred. Eventually i remembered the placenta needed to be delivered so i pushed it out in to a bowl that we later put in to the fridge incase i decided to consume or encapsulate it (i was not compelled) but i took some lovely pictures of it instead. 

Over an hour later, we used a wooden box that Quentin had made which held the cord and a couple long beeswax candles and we ceremonially burned the cord to gently disconnect Kai from his former life source and womb mate. 

The next few days were a time warp in bed with a fresh baby, i wouldn't say we got much sleep but it was a time of peaceful reverie that is unexplainable. I didn't leave the bed often but after a few days started venturing to the garden with Kai to introduce him to the sun and the natural world. We received over five inches of rain a couple of days after he was born and the air and earth were so soft and sweet during this whole postpartum time, welcoming his loving soul to his newly independent body.